


Get Me My Midmorning Coffee

by GoofyGoldenGirl



Category: Marvel (Comics), Thor (Comics), loki (2019)
Genre: Coffee, Coffee Shops, Crack, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Meta, Nonsense, Satire, Starbucks, behold the salt, post loki (2019)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:28:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21672958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoofyGoldenGirl/pseuds/GoofyGoldenGirl
Summary: The worst thing to happen when you get your midmorning coffee is to put in some salt instead of sugar
Comments: 4
Kudos: 24





	Get Me My Midmorning Coffee

The mid morning rush had hit the Starbucks that lay smack in the middle of midtown Manhattan. Impatient businessmen and nervous interns crowded the line that stretched all the way to the front door. At a table for two, our heroes Verity Willis human lie detector and journalist extraordinaire, and Loki of ~~Asgard, Joutnheim~~ Midgard, burdened with questionably glorious purchase, god of ~~mischief, lies, stories~~ outcasts watched the scene. Loki picked up his chocolate cookie crumble frappuccino and took in a loud, audible slurp through the straw.

“Shouldn’t you be dressed more inconspicuously?” Verity eyed Loki’s Asgardian gear that he had not bothered to change out of.

“Why should I?” He glanced over the rim of the frappuccino lid.

“Well, you just escaped from the Raft. It’s a given that the authorities will be after you.” 

Loki took another sip of his drink and set it down on the table. 

“I understand your concern, but what if I told you that I magically enchanted the entire place to have them believe I never left?”

“It is something you would do, but you couldn’t possibly have had time to do that,” Verity said. 

“I work in mysterious ways,” Loki raised his arms up over his head and stretched.

“Not entirely. You just like to think that,” Verity took hold of her tall, black, coffee. 

“Well anyways,” Loki leaned forward in his seat. “I was long overdue for such sweet Midgardian treats and a chance to shoot the shit with someone I at least trust. So thank you for sticking with me on this fine adventure Verity.”

Verity smirked. Then snorted into her drink.

“Well I’d say you’re welcome, but one: this is not an adventure and two: about half of the things you say can be constituted as regurgitated crap.”

“But Verity, every single moment can be an adventure! Even something so mundane as sitting in a Starbucks!” Loki made a gesture as if he were miming the shape of a rainbow. 

Verity gave him another dubious glance that slowly turned up into a smile. Loki took this opportunity to drink again. He also took one chocolate chip cookie from the stack of twenty that was precariously balanced on top of a napkin.

“Want one?” Loki offered.

She shook her head. Loki took a bite then shoved the entire cookie into his mouth. His cheeks puffed out then sunk back down as he swallowed.

Verity watched, absolutely disgusted. Loki wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Moving on! Within these past few minutes, more premonitions have come to me. Premonitions of future events to come and by Odin’s atrophied left testicle when they come to pass, not only will it wipe out the entire _multiverse_ but the _four walls_ that hold them from seeping into the alpha time stream.” 

Verity gave Loki a blank look.

“Listen, I don’t doubt what you’re saying, but you have to explain it in a way that’s possible for someone like _me_ to understand.” 

Loki folded his hands together and leaned in.

“Very well then. Let’s start with a simple question. Verity do you trust the judgement of men named Jason?”

“I don’t know anyone named Jason,” she said. 

“Do not!” Loki jabbed his finger in the air. “Do not trust anyone named Jason! What comes from a stroked ego can only lead to certain doom! Things that should not happen will happen! Dead people will come back to life! And the readers will be sorely disappointed.”

Verity thought over his words.

“Ok, so you’re saying this Jason guy is a writer? And he has powers to make whatever he writes into reality?”

“No he’s just a writer, but it goes deeper than that. We are talking about _a crack in the system._ Cracks that make _salt_ rain down from the heavens. Where _evil mice_ tug at our souls like _puppet strings._ And it _adds up._ To the point where change and innovation become _stagnant._ Where innocence is crushed and twisted into a state of permanent disillusion. The _cutting board_ where decisions must be made and all things we take for granted _must die._ ”

“In a _metaphorical_ sense,” Verity pointed out.

“Well, depending on how you view things,” Loki conceded with a shrug. “But we’ve got more problems that will definitely affect _our_ world. The most pressing one is that of Malekith The Accursed.”

“Wait, you told me he was dead,” Verity said. 

“Yes, but he won’t stay dead for long. No one ever really does. He will come back and form a team made of up evil, fabulous, magic wielding, elves like himself called the super evil elf slut squad™ and that’s _bullshit_ because according to Tumblr pre nsfw ban, nobody can outslut me! _I_ am the OP slut!”

Loki angrily pinched his straw. Bubbles formed in the frappuccino. 

“Loki I don’t think an elf like him would—“ Verity started.

Loki held up a finger.

“And while the _Netflix and chill_ boys are getting ready to _raise hel,_ my dear old daddy, no, not the one who _vored_ me, is gonna want his _title_ back and my dear stubborn brother is not going to give it up. Of course that is a _hel_ of its own. Yes, many people will die, and nothing will really change, but that’s how things are supposed to be in this world. I’m already prepping a nice cozy cave in Joutnheim for when the festivities do happen so I can watch the shit go down from the sidelines. I’ve already ordered the popcorn and the lounge chair, but I can’t decide on a TV that can handle my magical abilities. Do you have any ideas?” 

Verity blinked.

“Shouldn’t you be trying to stop all of this?”

“I considered it, said nah, but then decided it would be better to have someone to kick me around to get the job done, which is where you come in, and your cue to freakout,” Loki picked up his frappuccino. 

Verity became flustered. 

“What? I-I can’t _make_ you do anything!” 

“Yes you _can!_ That’s what friends are supposed to do! Done it before, works like a charm,” the frappuccino swished around. 

“You have a really messed up idea of what _friendship_ is,” Verity exclaimed.

“My first ever friend wanted to _kill_ me when we parted ways! What can I say?” Loki’s lips puckered up on the straw. He slurped. 

Verity sighed.

“Ok look. I can _tell_ you to intervene but that motivation has to come from _you._ ”

“So?” Loki raised an eyebrow. 

“Ideally, you should _probably_ prevent all this chaos from happening but—“

Loki slammed his frappuccino down on the table.

“Woohoo! I am _inspired!_ Verity you’re the best friend a trickster god can have! Thank you! Thank you! _Thank you!_ ”

A swing of his arm and the frappuccino fell to the ground with a splatter. Loki jumped up, snatched up the cookies, jammed them into his coat and grabbed Verity by the hand.

“Come on Verity let’s go! More adventure awaits us!”

“But wait! You should probably pick—“She protested.

“There’s no time! The fate of the universe is at stake!” Loki assumed a heroic pose and pointed upwards towards the sky.

“Loki—you—you’re acting even more _overdramatic_ than usual! Is this a side effect of the memories coming back?”

Loki turned towards her and grinned.

“Oh Verity, remember when I was telling you about all those _cracks_ in the system? Sometimes, they lie underneath the surface and _rumble._ Othertimes they form before disaster strikes. And sometimes, when the opportunity is just _right and ripe,_ when everything has gone to complete and utter **shit,** do we really get to see the nonsense our world is made up to be.”


End file.
